- They are abusers. They target people with their abuse. Some target animals. Many target themselves. But most target other people. Why? because they at the moment they decide to abuse, they are sick. Sick personalities.
- You specifically were abused because they needed someone to abuse, they chose you, and you are not stopping them. Now before you start pointing fingers at me saying I am blaming the victim, I want to make it clear I am not. I am not blaming you for not stopping them. But the reason they were able to abuse you is that you did not or could not or chose not to stop them. This does not mean you are weak, vulnerable, have a weak personality or any of these things. So stop telling yourself that. It is as simple as you did not stop them. Maybe you could not. Maybe they are too powerful. Or they caught you at a weak moment. They are sneaky that way, you know.
Abusers try to guess by looking at people and observing them who they should abuse. they start with a mild abuse intervention. Like saying an implied insult, or put down. Maybe by a snicker, or a demaning look. Then they wait and see if you tolerate it. Tolerate it means you do not take action to stop the abuse. So, if you act in a way to stop the abuser, they usually stop and go target someone else. But if you do not and only show fear, anger, hurt, but do nothing about it, they will continue further to more hurtful actions.
Sometimes the action you take can be passive and that is OK. You can just leave the room, avoid this person, etc. But sometimes you cannot. In that case you have to confront. Confront might sound harsh, but confrontation might be as simple as saying “stop it.” or “don’t do that that.” Sometimes you cannot even say these things. And that is understandable. But one needs to know unless an action is taken to stop the abuse, it will probably continue.
Some make the mistake by returning the abuse, then you get into a messy situation. The abuser probably wants a fight of abuse back and forth. It shows him that everyone is like that not just him. Not wise. Walk away, tell them to stop, talk to someone who can make them stop, or anything you can do to make it stop.
Abusers are sick people. They want to ease their sickness through abuse. That is their problem not yours. Take action. You are worth it. You can do it. Try it. the first time you stand up to an abuser it might be tough but it becomes easier once you do it.
How to Deal with Difficult People 